GM my ass!

Today I had to coach a girl at work. Shes a very pretty Japanese girl - I mean woman, since she mentioned shes 36 even though she looks like shes 16 - that has been living here for a while to dance hula. She asked what I was gonna do tonight, Saturday night and such.. I told her I was gonna just stay home and rest and she said she was gonna do the same; saty home with her boyfriend. I was like 'oh, you are in much better condition than me! Youve got your man to cuddle with!" She looks at me and for the first time I can see the white part of a japanese person's eye: "Cuddle? No. no, we dont cuddle, we are japanese. No cuddle. Me here, he there." I dont know if it was because it was late, I was tired, my feet hurt and I just wasnt processing the info very well, but it took me a while to diggest what that tiny piece of pretty human being had said. What do you mean no cuddle?

Not too late after the initial shock, we launched the subject Ive been debating with my therapist for months - yes, the store was empty and we were bored - about the HUGE, I mean HUGE cultural diferences in some relationships... I have been in this country for almost 4 years now and I dont remember to have met one brazilian woman that does not complain of her american partner's "coldness". I dont mean only in bed, I mean, in general. Then the japanese girl said: "They are not cold, they are cold FOR YOUR LEVEL of affection needs." Bingo. She said it all. And completed: "When american guys date us, japanese, they are the ones that complain that we are cold". Her statement sounded more complicated than a math equation to my ears. She added that the first time she saw me - which was in a training few months ago where we DID NOT exchange any words - she realized that I was very, very affectionate, warm and bright - her words. So she tried patiently to tell me that I should find someone able to fulfill those affection needs of mine. Go figure sister, I have been working on it for the past 26 years now.

Dr. Gold, my beloved therapist has given me this stupid homework: she wants me to experience the same shallow level of emotional attachment and affection that some people that had crossed my path had given me. She taught me not to play stupid and give exactely what I get. If I get a "GM", reply "GM" instead of "Good morning! How are you? Hope you have a wonderful day!". If I dont get any cumpliment on my look and any kind of kind and loving comment, shush as well. If no hug, dont hug. If no kiss, dont try to kiss. Ive been trying to be a good girl and follow what she said but seriously... fuck that shit. FUCK THAT SHIT. So now I have to lower my personal standards in order to have someone by my side? If I want to cuddle, I want to cuddle and I shall cuddle with someone! Now! Im not a GM person, GM makes cars as far as I know. I pamper and spoil. Im clingy. Im bubble gum close. Im romantic and affectionate to the point even a golden retriever cant stand laying next to me for too long without needing some air and space. And I give always 100% of all my love today because I will have it all again tomorrow to give away. Then comes Mrs. phd in something telling me to follow the lead? Whats up with that? What about my essence, my real me here? Do I put it aside and just pretend to be american now? Or else what? Ill be single forever?

I know how a man should treat me - you know who you are over there moto-moto - and I wont settle for less than that. No cuddle? Next! No pda? Next! Im not gonna follow the lead of people with no heart and no clue what affection is. I dont want to experience this lack of emotional attachment, why would I anyways? Ive done lots of stupid things in my life, but I wont be that stupid to the point I will change who I am and the amount of affection I need in order to fit this society mode. And I feel bad for my japanese friend: While shes got a man in a Saturday night but no cuddle, Ive got no man, but all the hopes when he finds me, we will freaking cuddle, and make out, and be tangled to eachother for as long as we can be. And by the way, GM my ass! Its good morning my queen, how did you sleep? Thats how it is.